Fire and Ice
by the laws of transitivity
Summary: Fire and Ice could never be together... John reflects on his past with Bobby.


**Okay, guys! First fanfiction on this name! I had one before, but you have to guess which one it is. :p**

**Warnings: **m/m pairing. Don't like it, go soak your head.

**Fire and Ice**

Everything in this world depends upon a simple balance. To have one extreme, you must have the other. Without the dark, there'd be no light, without pain there'd be no pleasure, and all that philisophical crap. Like fire and ice.

I love every bit of him: That smile he gets when he uses his powers, the way he stares straight through me when he knows I'm lying, the way he always flinches from my touch at first, then remembers that it's okay... there's no one around to stop us.

It was just going to be that once, to say goodbye. I followed Bobby into town, him and Rogue were seeing some idiotic romantic comedy where the guy falls in love, and the girl's out of her mind, and they live happily ever after. Absolute bullshit, but Rogue liked it, so he'd watch it.

While he waited for her outside the bathroom, I passed with my head down, and bumped into him purposefully. "Hey," he protested, then I shoved the note into his hand, and kept going. It was all I could do not to look back to see that oddly concentrated look he gets when he reads anything. And the confusion as he realized it was from me.

2 AM, Thursday night. The woods just outside the school grounds. I showed up at 12:30 to give myself time to pace, time to think, time to get in order everything that needed to be said. It was too much. How do you say goodbye to a best friend? The best friend you've ever had, the best friend that you love so much that you could never tell him because you might lose him. How do you explain that you chose some cave on an island over him?

At 2:02 I started freaking out. He probably wouldn't show. Why would he? I'd just left them at Alkali Lake. Hadn't said a thing, just marched off to join the bad guys. Bobby probably hated my guts. Then there was a snapping of leaves behind me, and my feet suddenly burned with cold. Glancing down, I saw my shoes enveloped in ice. "Drake," I greeted in a cool voice that I hated to use.

"John, what are you doing here?" he sighed, letting the ice melt away. I gave him a sideways glance, and raised an eyebrow.

"Think I'd just leave without saying goodbye?" I asked lightly, a smirk touching my lips. I turned to face him. God, he's so beautiful. Everything about him perfectly sculpted, that icy gaze boring into me.

"You just left us, John," he said softly, "you just walked away without saying anything! You think you can just come to talk like it was nothing!" His fists tightened, arm muscles following suit.

"Bobby," I protested softly, "it had nothing to do with you, you know that, right? You're still my best friend." _I still love you..._

He shook his head, laughing skeptically. "You know, you have some nerve, John Allerdyce. Or do you only go by 'Pyro' now?"

It didn't sound right coming from his lips. "Don't call me that," I said softly, more of a plea than anything.

Bobby took a few steps toward me so I could feel his icy breath on my face. "What did you think would happen, John? You'd come visit me, we'd be buddies again, and go to the mall on weekends?"

It hurt so bad hearing this from him. He hated me. The one person I loved more than anything else, and he hated me. "I just came to say goodbye!" I shouted frantically, trying to force my voice to stay level, "If I knew you'd be such an ass about it, maybe I wouldn't have come! It's not my fault I love you so fucking much!" It was an accident. It just... fell out of my mouth.

The next thing I know, the tree behind me was against my back, and his lips were on mine. It takes me by surprise, but I kissed back just as eagerly. I can't believe it... the realization hadn't quite sunk in. Me- John Allerdyce- I was kissing Bobby Drake! It was... it was unbelievable. His cool breath mingled in my fiery mouth as we frantically clung to each other, trying to touch anything and everything. His hands pulled my jacket off my shoulders, and it dropped heavily to the ground. I couldn't stop- I was too afraid that I'd wake up and it'd all be a dream. Or maybe it was real, and in a few seconds he'd back up and realize what he'd done. I couldn't... I didn't think I could handle that.

His mouth opened for me, and our tongues clashed longingly. My hands slid up under his shirt, needing to feel every inch of him. Bobby helped me to slide it off, but just that short time away from his kiss drove me crazy. This wasn't happening... the past few years I'd spent watching him sleep from across the room, dreamed of one small, soft kiss, it must have gone to my head.

But his hands were on my fly, and I was tugging off my own shirt. I loved the feel of our chests pressed together as my hand found his nipple, and toyed with the sensitive flesh. A low moan escaped his lips, and I caught it with mine. He was so cold- even then as we gasped for breath, and moved against each other obsessively. It made me feel so warm and whole in comparison.

And just like that, without needing explaination or to talk things through, we both had our first time there in the woods. Some people might think I'd regret it- sleeping with him there in the dirt. It hadn't mattered, though. People talk about wanting their first time to be perfect, and it was. Nomatter what, it would have been perfect because it was with Bobby.

Afterwards, we clung to each other like the other would disappear as soon as we let go. It hurt... it hurt so much to know that all this time he'd felt the same way. Now, now that it was too late, and I'd left him forever, I found out that I could have had him. Later, I'd realize that it was probably for the better, but just then all I could do was love him, and hate myself. My eyes stung painfully, and I buried my face in his shoulder. "Bobby," I whispered weakly, "I really screwed it up this time, didn't I?"

He brushed my sweat-caked hair from my eyes, and kissed me gently. "I love you, John," he murmured, "but... yeah, you did. You... you can't come back now."

"Come with me, then!" I pleaded selfishly, clinging to him desperately. I knew he couldn't, though. Bobby Drake needed stability, consistancy. He looked me in the eyes, and we both agreed he couldn't wordlessly. That's how it had always been with us. We didn't need to speak.

"We can't do this," he told me quietly, as if afraid that I'd break. I thought I might, too. "John... what are we going to do? You're on the other team. We'll have to fight each other eventually."

I couldn't imagine having to hurt him. More than that, though, I couldn't imagine never seeing him again. "If we do..." I assured him, "we just act like none of this is happening. It's a different world." Our eyes met once more, and he nodded.

We met many times between then and the war. Usually about once a week. We'd meet, and without a word, our clothes would drop into the mud one by one. After, I would lay there with Bobby, and we'd talk- I'd tell him about life at the Brotherhood, and he'd tell me how people were holding up after Jean's death, after Scott's, then after the Professor's...

For the last two months, we had to see each other less frequently. The X-Men were on high alert for Magneto and his army of mutants, and I was busy helping to organize it. On our last night, he buried his face in my chest, and started weeping shamelessly. "I'm scared, John," he told me pleadingly, "no one knows what they're doing. I'm so scared..."

When our eyes met on the battlefield, a lot of things were said in a very little time. It had finally happened. We were in the real world, and it was time for us to fight like nothing had happened. In a silent, painful promise, Bobby and I agreed not to hold back. Whatever happened, we still loved each other. Pyro against Iceman, we stood there, different people in a different world, pouring all our energy into the open. I was winning, and for a second, I slipped. Could I really live with myself if I killed him?

It happened all at once- Bobby was gone, and it was all Iceman, all ice. My hands dropped to my sides, and I looked at my hands to realize that I hadn't used my lighters in my sleeve.

I looked up, and our eyes met one last time. That was it. All we could do for each other. I needed the ice to feel the fire within myself just like he'd needed my fire to reach his full potential. We were done needing each other, him and I, and now... it was over. We never could have been together, not really. Fire and ice are naturally apart. Bringing them together was out of pure selfishness, I see that now. I still love him more than I could ever explain, but I know the boundaries of nature. Fire and Ice can never be together.


End file.
